


An Exclusive Interview with London's Celebrity Couple

by Ozymanreis



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [35]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Advertisement, Audience feedback, Celebrity couple, Fame, Flashback, M/M, Questions, Surprise Pairing, consulting boyfriends, consulting husbands, talk show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1883814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozymanreis/pseuds/Ozymanreis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I couldn't live with him, but I couldn't bear to send him away… and that's when I realized I <i> might</i> have had feelings for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Exclusive Interview with London's Celebrity Couple

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #95: Advertisement
> 
> Oh, broke my word limit! WORTH IT!!!

**Host:** And we're live! Joining us today are the beloved consulting husbands: Jim Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes!

**[audience clapping]**

**Jim: [waves cheekily]** Hello, London!

**[Sherlock doesn't respond]**

**Host:** Seems someone has a bit of stage fright!

 **Sherlock:** No, I don't. I'm just not on board with this inane ritual.

 **Jim:** Sherlock, be nice! **[whispers to the audience]** I did a lot of bargaining to get him on the show. 

 **Host:** Oh, he'll come around! In the meantime, let's start with a couple easy questions to get the mood right… how did you two meet?

 **Sherlock:** Pool. Midnight. Semtex vest on my best friend. 

 **Jim:** Oh, Sherly, that's far too simplistic of a story. 

 **Sherlock:** It's all _they_ need to know.

 **Jim:** Hardly. **[scoffs]** I had decided to court my dear Sherly when I realized he was ruining my plans. At first I was quite angry, and considered, _ahem_ , a more permanent solution.

 **Sherlock: [mutters]** Killing me.

 **Host:** Huh?

 **Sherlock:** Nothing. 

 **Jim:** He does enjoy the occasional sardonic comment. Anyways, I realized it'd be a crime against humanity to remove Sherlock from his work. But what was I to do? I couldn't live with him, but I couldn't bear to send him away… and that's when I realized I _might_ have had feelings for him.

 **Sherlock:** Took you long enough.

 **Jim:** Like you did any better! **[lightly smacks Sherlock's thigh]** So I devised a plan to speak to him, but I had to impress him first, obviously.

 **Sherlock:** And so we went through a huge game of murders, robberies, forgeries and arson… It was quite invigorating. **[Sherlock smiles for the first time since the cameras were turned on]**

 **Jim:** I talked to the famous Sherlock Holmes, tried to get a feel of the man… **[devilish grin]** _literally_. 

**[audience "ooh"s]**

**Host:** How did you finally hook up?

**[Jim looks away dreamily]**

**Host:** … Mr. Moriarty? 

 **Jim:** Huh? Oh. Sorry. It was pretty great weekend.

 **Host:** Is there a story there…?

 **Sherlock:** Yes, but —

 **Jim:** It's _quite_ raunchy. Involves a dominatrix, a well-timed phone call to break up the tension, silk underwear, and that high you feel after your life has been critically endangered… Really not for the public ear. 

 **Host:** Ohhhhhkay… this was five years ago?

 **Jim:** More or less. 

 **Host:** Yet we've only been aware of it for about three years! Why did you keep your relationship a secret for so long?

 **Sherlock:** … is that a real question? 

 **Jim:** Sherlock _means_ to say a relationship of our nature requires a certain amount of… confidentiality. 

 **Sherlock:** I technically work for the police… he _definitely_ works _against_ the police.

 **Jim:** And against his dear brother. But I don't _really_ think he cares. 

 **Sherlock:** I thought that was clear when Mycroft told me _not_ to get involved with you, and did anyway. I thought it was even _clearer_ when we got married. **[holds up his left palm to indicate the band on his ring finger]**

**[audience "aw"s]**

**Host:** Who asked for whose hand?

 **Jim:** Me, _obviously_.

 **Host:** How'd that go?

 **Jim: [hesitant]** We'd actually been through something of a rough patch… 

 **Sherlock:** I stopped talking to him after he blew up my brother's car.

 **Jim:** It was a birthday present!

 **Sherlock: [smirks]** It wasn't funny!

 **Jim:** You still said "yes!"

 **Sherlock:** You had me _kidnapped_!

 **Jim:** You weren't talking to me!

 **Sherlock:** Couldn't you have just apologized? 

 **Jim:** Kidnapping _was_ my apology!

 **Sherlock:** Thus, I accepted! Why is this a discussion?!

 **Host:** Well, we're all _dying_ to know: what was the wedding like? 

 **Jim:** Flowers, cake, tuxes… no one else there except the witness we "paid" to keep the affair silent.

 **Sherlock:** Jim's employee. John would've come, but he found out the same as everyone else. 

 **Host:** That must've been hard, not having your best friend there.

 **Sherlock:** Yes, well… he and Jim never got along anyway. 

 **Jim: [shrugs]** Apparently people hold grudges over attempts on their life… who knew?

 **Host:** Um… what about your honeymoon? 

 **Jim:** We never _got_ a honeymoon, _Sherlock_. **[glare]**

 **Sherlock:** _What_?

 **Jim: [shifts attention to the audience]** Everyone here remember how he just _revealed_ us during my trial?

**[audience screams, "yeah!"]**

**Host:** Actually, why don't we play the clip?

 **Sherlock: [claps hand to face]** Oh god… 

 

* * *

 

 

**[TV screen begins to play an excerpt from the trial]**

**Sherlock:** I'm sorry, your honor, I believe there's been a mistake.

 **Judge:** What do you mean, Mr. Holmes?

 **Sherlock:** Ah… well, I thought Jim would've put it forth in his defense, but seeing as he isn't _offering_ a defense… 

 **Judge:** Yes?

 **Sherlock:** I am not eligible to testify. 

 **Judge:** Do you feel yourself unqualified? 

 **Sherlock:** That's the problem — I'm the most qualified you'll ever meet. 

 **Judge:** I don't see how. 

 **Sherlock: [sighs]** The accused, who stands on trial before us now, is my husband.

**[courtroom gasps, except Mr. Moriarty, who has begun a fit of hushed laughter]**

**Judge:** What?!

 **Sherlock:** I felt we had a special something… so before his incarceration, we eloped.

**[screen goes black]**

 

* * *

 

 

 **Host:** Oh yes, that was quite the shocker!

 **Jim:** Points for style, of course, but it lead to some… unexpected consequences.

 **Host:** That stopped you from having a honeymoon?

 **Jim:** Yes, see… after that, we became the celeb couple everyone has come to love. But the price of celebrity… we could never find a moment alone, nor could we sneak off without being recognized.

 **Sherlock:** Sorry, but since you didn't tell me of your plans to acquit yourself, I didn't feel like assisting in my husband's lock-up.

 **Jim: [shrugs]** Your loss. 

 **Host:** Let's take this in a different direction, shall we? You both seem to manage two stable, _opposing_ careers alongside each other. How do you handle the tension that must stem from your conflicting interests? 

 **Jim:** I try not to talk about work at home… Sherlock enjoys throwing the proverbial monkey wrench in my plans. 

 **Sherlock:** Not on purpose.

 **Jim:** _Yes_ , on purpose!

 **Host:** Hmm… since you don't like crossing business with pleasure, do you share any goals or dreams? Either work related or not.

 **Jim:** Chaos, mostly.

**[Sherlock shrugs]**

**Host:** Sherlock, we've noticed you've been uncharacteristically quiet this evening.

 **Sherlock:** Jim is more the orator.

 **Host:** Oh yes, his old serial killing moniker was 'the storyteller!' **[audience gasps]** Well, that was _before_ the police figured out Jim wasn't actually the perpetrator of _any_ crimes. **[audience sighs in relief]** But Sherlock, we'd like to hear from _you_! What's it like being married to the world's only consulting criminal?

 **Sherlock:** I imagine a great deal similar to being married to the world's only consulting detective. 

 **Host:** Well, details! How do you two deal with being apart so often? 

 **Sherlock:** What is there to _tell_? **[adjusts posture unusually tight]** We get arrested sometimes, _me_ more often than _him_ — 

 **Jim:** **[cutting in]** Not for lack of _guilt_ , mind you. I just don't like getting my hands dirty.

 **Host:** Oh, I think we can all relate to _that_ , Mr. Moriarty. **[to the audience]** Am I right?

**[Audience cheers]**

**Sherlock:** — when we're imprisoned, or on a job in different locations, it gets _lonely_. But we make it work because he's the only one worth _trying_ to spend my life with.

**[Audience "aw"s]**

**Jim:** Besides… **[pause for effect, then pretends to whisper to the audience while gesturing to Sherlock]** This one likes being in handcuffs.

**[Camera zooms in on Sherlock's face, which is now a lovely shade of rose pink, eyes averted]**

**Host:** **[still giggling]** The great Sherlock Holmes is embarrassed! It's a treat, but that's about all we have time for. Any final advice for aspiring couples out there? 

 **Jim:** In the end, it's about finding the right person… and that person is Sherlock. **[audience "aw"]** And _me_ , of course. Really, there is absolutely _no one else_ in the world worth spending any sort of time with, but sorry dullards, **[he leans on Sherlock's shoulder]** we're taken.

 


End file.
